interesting stuff * excavating internets * time executed
Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer
- RETAIL, RUG STORE | WASHINGTON, USA | RUDE & RISQUE
- (I work at a store that sells area rugs. We take a fair amount of phone calls from people who have questions regarding area rugs.)
- Me: “[Store], this is [name].”
- Caller: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”
- Me: “Of course, what is your question?”
- Caller: “I can’t get it to stay up!”
- Me: “Oh…um…okay. What do you mean?”
- Customer: “My area rug! It’s old and I love it, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”
- Me: “Oh, I see.”
- Customer: “I’ve been vacuuming it non-stop on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”
- Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”
- Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”
- Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”
- (I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time. The innuendo was much thicker than her rug!)
Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.
Does This Mean I Need A Water Stone
- PET STORE | CONNECTICUT, USA
- (I am helping a man at the fish department when this happens.)
- Customer: “So, goldfish evolve into koi when they outgrow their tank…”
- (I look at him waiting for him to say he’s joking, but he’s completely serious.)
- Me: “It’s a fish, sir, not a pokémon.”
